Throwing Down the Gauntlet

I'm issuing a challenge this week!  I know you are up for it so please read on!!

If, like me, you are a Christian you will already know the story I am about to tell.  If not, there is, as Jonathan Haidt reminds us in The Happiness Hypothesis, modern truth in ancient wisdom.

I was driving to a meeting a couple of days ago and was listening to Life 100.3, our local Christian radio station.  They were broadcasting a 2 minute sermon on the shortest verse in the Bible:

"Jesus wept"

John 11:35

This little verse wasn't new to me.  It's included in the story of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead.  Lazarus was the brother of Mary and Martha, sisters who were friends of Jesus and who had shown him great care.  For some reason, I had never given much thought to the meaning of the verse, although it always came in handy for the "sword" fights at church (if you don't attend church, the sword is part of the gospel armour discussed in Ephesians 6: 10-17 - the "sword of the Spirit" is the word of God and a "sword" fight is a game of wits where players are challenged to find passages of scripture faster than their opponent - tons of fun, really!!).
 

But I digress...this little 2 minute sermon was all about why Jesus wept.  I may have casually linked his tears to the death of his friend, Lazarus, but I may have been too simplistic in my analysis.  The key to this short and sweet verse in stored in the verse that precedes it.  Jesus had been met by Mary, the sister of Lazarus, and she was weeping over the loss of her brother.  Jesus wept, but not for the death of Lazarus, for he knew that death would soon lose its sting.  Jesus wept out of compassion for Mary - he felt the pain of her grief and he wept with her.

What does this have to do with my Happiness Quest you may wonder?  Well, every day, the more I read and the more I learn I am constantly led to the same conclusion - relationships are the very foundation of happiness - but not the kind of relationships where you do all the taking - those may bring some short-term satisfaction but not lasting happiness.  More and more I am convinced that lasting happiness, at least for me, comes from the joy of giving to others.  But not giving to others out of a sense of duty or obligation, or even as the byproduct of an unhealthy or abusive relationship.  Giving to others out of compassion seems to be one of the most important keys.

Sonja Lyubomirsky, in The How of Happiness, spends most of her book addressing some practical ways to improve happiness.  I've mentioned before that her research has led her to believe that we should build on our existing strengths, rather than create a self-improvement project that aims to improve our weaknesses.  I took the assessment test of my areas of strength and found that my faith and my acts of kindness were strengths worth building on, as were pursuing goals and savouring life's joys and experiencing flow (which will a second post today).

I think that acts of kindness are almost always acts of compassion.  I once had a colleague tell me that compassion is one of the world's more destructuve emotions -  but naturally I was too compassionate to tell him what I really thought of his assertion :-)

Some link the English word "compassion" with the Latin word "misericordia"  which is really closer to "commiserate".  I think the Latin root for "compassion" is more likely "com pati" which means "to suffer with".  For me, this translation is what distinguishes compassion from commiseration or pity.  Pity is sympathetic.  Compassion is empathetic - understanding the suffering of others because you yourself have suffered.  Suffering takes on such different guises - the cry of the hungry baby, the false bravado of a teenager, the stubbornness or a senior, the exhaustion of a new mom, the grief of the new widow. Who among us has not suffered?  Can you use the memory of your own suffering to help relieve the suffering of others?

I have mentioned that Charter for Compassion before, but I am going to guess that you haven't had a chance to read it yet, so here is its pivotal statement, from Karen Armstrong's Twelve Steps to a Compassionate Life:

"The principle of compassion lies at the heart of all religious, ethical and spiritual traditions, calling us always to treat others as we wish to be treated ourselves.  Compassion impels us to work tirelessly to alleviate the suffering of our fellow creatures, to dethrone ourselves from the centre of our world and put another there, and to honour the inviolable sanctity of every single human being, treating everybody, without exception, with absolute justice, equity and respect.  It is also necessary both in public and private life to refrain consistently and emphatically from inflicting pain.  To act or speak violently out of spite, chauvinism or self-interest, to impoverish, exploit or deny basic rights to anybody, and to incite hatred by denigrating others - even our enemies - is a denial of our common humanity."

 I've been trying to live by this code for the past 4 months - and let me tell you, it's really hard.  So I am throwing down the gauntlet to each of you!  Will you take the challenge?  Try to show compassion to someone every day this week.  I'd love it if you'd share your stories in the comments section.  I believe that every one of us, no matter our age or our experience, knows what it feels like to hurt and can recognize this in others.  Will you have the courage to reach out to even one person this week to help relieve their pain?  This can be the little random acts of kindness rather than grand gesture.  I think it's safe to say that your compassion will boomerang right back to you and you will indeed understand why this is a part of Happiness Quest.