Cathy's Hierarchy of Needs - To Thine Own Self Be True



Cathy's Hierarchy of Needs



If you look back at Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, you will notice that it is completely focused on the individual.  It is hard to disagree that the needs described by Maslow are not important to individual growth. Nevertheless, as a sociologist I find Maslow's hierarchy of needs limiting in that it does not adequately address the "no man is an island" reality of everyday living.  We all live within a variety of social constructs and as we grow and mature, our ability to prioritize and navigate the nuances of these constructs becomes more sophisticated and more clearly defined. 

I have shamelessly taken Maslow's concept and created "Cathy's Hierarchy of Needs", based on an empirical study of one - ME.  As I continue on my Happiness Quest, I am discovering that Shakespeare had it right: "to thine own self be true" (applying our contemporary usage of the phrase as sage advice, rather than its original context which was nefariously self-serving).

Assuming that the basest of needs as defined by Maslow (physiological, safety & security) are met, I was able to identify the critical happiness-related elements of my life with relative ease, but placing them into a hierarchy took much, much longer.  Here's the thought behind them:

Relationship with God: 

I am a spiritual person.  Much scientific research demonstrates the direct correlation between spirituality and happiness.  Both Sonja Lyubomirsky and Jonathan Haidt suggest that people of faith gain happiness from striving to follow a set of clearly defined morals and principles.  When I first read their thoughts on this correlation I thought "boy is that lame".  Frankly, I thought that it completely missed the mark and was the sign of researchers who had no personal knowledge of what they were postulating.  But as I pondered it for a few days I started to realize that they are absolutely right.  I am happiest when I am following the tenets of my faith and putting them into action in my daily life.  Sometimes, I am easily distracted and I admit that when my faith is openly mocked by people I care about, I am driven to take my faith underground.  But I have decided that to attain true resilient happiness I am going to proudly be true to myself and so am placing my faith and my relationship with God at the top of my hierarchy. 

Health & Fitness: 

On the face of it, this seems preposterously self-centred.  However, my doctor has gently pointed out to me that above all I am a pleaser and that I am readily willing to sacrifice my own health in order to meet the needs of others - this is where my compassion and empathy play a huge role.  These traits are fundamental to my personality and I don't want to ever stop supporting others, but Dr. K has also finally convinced me that I am of no use to others when I neglect my own health. 

Marriage:

The time is fast approaching when my children will be out on their own and my husband, Gord, and I will be left to rattle around our house on our own.  It is really important to me that when that moment arrives, that my husband and I are still the closest of friends who support and care for each other as we enter the next chapter of our lives. 

Children:

My beautiful daughters, Cait and Jac, and I have been through a lot of ups and downs together and for many years were the "Three Musketeers".  When they were little girls I loved every minute of being their mom and knew intuitively how to care for and nurture them.  As they grew into adolescence, I became less sure of my parenting ability and started to worry that I hadn't a clue what I was doing.  Now, in the most challenging transition of their lives, from adolescence to adulthood, I am less sure of my parenting skills than ever. I love these young women with the fiercest love that only a mother knows and would willingly give my life for theirs in a heartbeat and yet the boat we sail in together is sometimes tossed about on stormy seas. Apparently, I am not alone in my insecurity about my parenting skills.  For more insight, check out what Sonja Lyubomirsky says about the correlation between parenting and happiness: How of Happiness Blog

Learning:
Mahatma Ghandi said : "Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever".  I am one of those people who is rarely satisfied with the status quo and am constantly striving to learn more about the world around me and my place in it -  my Happiness Quest is fundamentally a learning project.  My apologies to my friends and family who are frequently required to bravely feign interest in whatever topic has caught my imagination!  I confess that I could happily while away many, many hours devouring stacks and stacks of books.  It's a shame that this need wasn't more obviously realized while I was in university - barely cracked a text book for some courses!

Extended Family:

I am richly blessed my a big extended family that includes parents, siblings, step-children, cousins, aunts, uncles, neices, nephews and, remarkably, both of my grandmothers.  These relationships are unconditional and my relationship with each one is important to me. When things have gone askew in my life, I have often retreated to their comforting protection. I hope that I am able to provide them with shelter from the storms of their lives.

Friendships:


As I said in an earlier blog, it's been starting to seem like I only have f-email friends these days.  February has been a wonderful month of reconnecting with dear friends.  There are some things that you just cannot confide to a husband, parent or adult child.  Good friendships are like warm blankets on a cold day.


Community Service:

I am blessed beyond reason - in fact, I am so blessed that it is somewhat ridiculous that I am embarking on this Happiness Quest.  I have a husband that I love deeply, beautiful children I adore, a loving and suportive family, a job that I enjoy and that pays me more than the average salary, a wonderful home, and friends who I can trust.  I am keenly aware that not everyone is as fortunate as I am and I so giving back to my community is important to me.

Work:

It came as a surprise to me that I ended up placing work at the bottom of this hierarchy.  For many years work was my sanctuary - a safe harbour where I was well-regarded and successful but where nobody really knew me at all.  At family gatherings it actually used to irritate me that  nobody asked about my work.  Now here's where I reveal how misguided I was - finally realized that my family and friends don't care about me because of the type of work I do.  So what to do about the fact that, outside of my employer and a few colleagues, nobody really cares about my work and yet I devote a disproportionate number of hours to it?  I am working to integrate other elements of my hierarchy of needs into the work that I do.  More about that in my next blog on Fundamental Truths...